Thursday, 18 March 2010

Governmentium - a Discovery

Sometimes one receives a gem by email that requires no more comment. Here is one:

"Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

Is this something discovered in Gibraltar? You tell me!


  1. What about Unobtainium?

  2. Very apt ... would you like to develop the theory or is it an even newer scientific discovery?

  3. Fred says:

    Meta-kimika-ology: the study of rare and esoteric elements that f**k-up the political process.

    Early discoveries include the heavy deposits of Governmentium around No.6 Convent place in Gibraltar. Also, the strata of Unobtanium around the Haven in the same location.

    It is expected that dirty Tripartium will be discovered in the sands under Gibraltar Airport. Tripartium is characterised by the effect on testicles, which it breaks even after a brief exposure.